The Javanilla is Popular

Sometimes I catch myself being absurdly anti-social.  Some of those times I call myself on it and realize, again, that I need to be nicer to people.  The annoying lady and Please don't talk to me posts are good examples of this.  It's not so much about not being mean because I'm not mean.  It's just that I'm not very social.  Small talk with strangers is not my thing.  Small talk with people I recognize but don't know very well is not my thing either.  I don't care what my neighbor is up to.  I really don't.  While I accept that about myself I do occasionally catch myself being outright anti-social.

Yesterday at work I was in the cafeteria getting breakfast.  Keep in mind that I had not yet had coffee and had been awake for a couple hours already.  I'm dishing up my combination of oatmeal and cream of wheat.  I like to put oatmeal at the bottom of my bowl, raisins in the middle, and cream of wheat on top.  Putting the raisins in the middle softens them up quite a bit which is ideal if they are stale that day.  Anyway I was involved in my first step of the process when I noticed the cafeteria employee I call "the cafeteria lady" coming closer to me.  She's a nice lady that refills things when they are empty and cleans up, etc.  A few months ago or so she approached me while I was staring blankly at the 57 coffee dispensers we have in the cafe.  For whatever reason that day I was paralyzed and unable to simply pick the random, somewhat watered down coffee selection.  The coffee is among everything else in this case so I'm not standing at a counter with someone behind the counter waiting to take my order.  It's a self serve deal.

A conversation ensued and went like this...

cafeteria lady:  "Not sure what to get huh?"

me:  "no, I mean, yeah"

cafeteria lady:  "ha, uh hu"

awkward pause while I stare at the coffee and begin to panic because I know more meaningless words are coming.  Quick, make a damn decision I'm thinking to myself.  Avoid eye contact, AVOID EYE CONTACT!

cafeteria lady: "a lot of people like the javanilla"

me:  "ok"

cafeteria lady:  "The javanilla is popular...these two here are good too.  These two are decaf.  These here are regular.  This section here is all flavored.  The javanilla is flavored and the most popular.  It's "Seattle's Best Coffee" brand and wins the awards for best coffee.  We don't have it every day though so you're lucky.  We switch it out every other day with the hazelnut.  So tomorrow when you come in it will be hazelnut and not javanilla.  They are both flavored though so if you like the flavored you'll always be able to get one.  Some of our flavored are available every day but not the javanilla."

me:  "ok"

I quickly poured whatever coffee into my cup.  It's only a few hours into my day and I had already exceeded my threshold for small talk.  The fact that that interaction annoys me, annoys me.  This lady is a nice lady.  The fact that she was a little slow actually made me like her more; her intentions are sweet and genuine.  But I feel like it takes all my effort and then some to endure encounters like that.  I don't understand why.

Now back to yesterday and the hot cereal.  I flip open the top to the oatmeal container and stir the oatmeal to mix it up good before plopping it into my little to-go cup for me to enjoy after a half mile walk back to my in my tiny, tiny cubical.  As I'm finishing up step one of three (raisins are next), the cafeteria lady appears behind me.  "Oh is that empty", she asks enthusiastically, referring to the oatmeal container.  I very quickly reply, "no" and immediately flee the scene, leaving steps two and three of my cereal building behind.  Had I not bailed at that moment, the cafeteria lady may have very well started talking to me.  I killed some time wandering around the cafeteria until the cafeteria lady was nowhere near the hot cereal.  It's difficult to look busy in the cafeteria when you're simply killing time.

I guess the point of this post is that I can't understand why simply interactions such as this cause me to instinctively abandon a process.  Seems so ridiculous but it's a true story.  Maybe I could work on it by being the person engaging and hope that maybe I'll learn to appreciate some small talk...but I doubt it.

Comments

[Steph W]

I'm married to someone who has a similar low threshold for small talk. Example: A "bubbly" woman we see regularly keeps asking Tom about our house plans. (We just bought a lot, but have no house plans yet. We're going slow.) Tom responds, "We'll be done sometime in this lifetime. There's no point in asking me every time you see me. I'll tell you when we have any news." I wanted to hide in the cracks in the floor, and at the same time I totally get the annoyance with dumb questions! Maybe I should ask Allibrew for coping tips as a spouse of a non-small-talker! ;-)

[Jeff]

I completly understand what you are saying. I feel the same way, people have said I appear to be rude, mean or stuck-up by my anti-social behavior. It's really that I am fucking shy and don't like small chit-chat.