BrewBlog

Those mobile phone sales guys in the mall

What a bunch of clowns these guys.  At first I just felt sorry for them but now I just can't stand them.  It used to just be one group and now there are many.  You know what I'm talking about right?  You're at the mall minding your own business and there is the dreaded (insert mobile phone company name here) kiosk.  "Avoid eye contact", I think to myself and hope that my one year old is thinking the same.  But it doesn't matter.  One of them calls out with their standard hook line.

"Hey bro, can I talk to you for a minute?"
"What's up man, do you have a second?"
"Hey, are you happy with your phone?"
"What kind of phone do you have?"
"How's it going?  Let me talk to you about a deal."

There they are, leaning toward me as I try to walk by without noticing that they are talking to me.  He's got a tie on to look professional and since his dumb ass company makes him wear one because salespeople need to wear ties.  He's the guy that goofed off in school.  He's confident too because mobile phones are so cool and selling them at the mall kiosk is bitchin.  He's annoyed when I ignore him or provide my harsh look and unfriendly "no" that my wife teases me about.  There are girls that do that job too but they are far less common because they can get better jobs and are probably sick of all those dorks hitting on them between failing to land ridiculous, bullshit contracts with mobile phone companies.  As if we need more to dislike about mobile phones. 

The mobile phone industry is huge and I can see why.  The convenience of a mobile phone is off the chart and the other gadgetry things they do and integrated technology is pretty sexy and hard to resist.  I have one and I'm willing to bet you do too.  What I do not want at all is some ass-clown trying to pressure sell me a different one while I'm out trying to have my day.  Damn the company that started it because the others caught on and now every fifty steps at the mall is another one of these guys desperate to sell to me from their kiosk of broken dreams.  Do all malls do this?  Partial blame goes to the Galleria I suppose.  But they are a brick and mortar to sell stuff after all so I guess it makes sense. 

You can visualize the training and recruiting for those jobs.  They get pulled in with promise of great wealth through commission.  "Make big $$$ having fun" the sign/add/recruiter lies.  the hapless victim is attracted to the idea of the quick money, figuring this would be a perfect fit while they develop their plans to start their own business to become independently wealthy and thus stick it to the man.  They drive to the old unmarked, leased building in Fair Oaks for their orientation.  They see signage and marketing material.  There are several "$" symbols displayed.  The recruiter is an attractive woman.  Midway through the spiel Alec Baldwin shows up and flashes is Rolex and talks about his sports car, belittling the recruits while inspiring them at the same time (Glengarry Glen Ross).  They sign their life away and take their stack of papers home.  After a few sales classes they are assigned to the kiosk in front of Macy's and specifically instructed to bother me each and every time I go to the mall.

If I were wealthy I'd outbid the phone companies for the floor space, offering a ridiculous amount of money for the area currently supporting the sales kiosks.  Once I've evicted all of them I would replace the kiosks with a bench or something.  Or I would have my own kiosk with cardboard cutouts of the former employees and place them in silly poses with cartoon balloons to make it look like they would be saying "I'm a dork" or "I suck" or something similar.  I'd have a few with empty balloons and supply dry erase pens so that mall goers can write in their own phrases and such.  I like it and I'm going to do it.  No I'm not.

Ten trips around the sun with the Mothership

Today is my ten year anniversary at work.  Hmm.  Ten years ago I was completely naive about the corporate lifestyle.  Just a mere couple of weeks prior to boarding the Mothership I was scooping beans like crazy.  I had an apartment with my best friend and was having a pretty good time just being a twenty five year old twenty year old.  I wasn't sure what I was doing when I boarded the Mothership but it was big and shiny and offered promises of a better life.  That's what I was working for in school anyway right?  My focus up until that point was gaining personal self esteem and focusing on getting through school so I could stop going.  Plus, bean scooping was getting old so the allure of the Mothership was strong in that there were no beans for me to scoop there.  Other than that the idea of a family was pretty far from my realm of comprehension, literally.

Fast forward ten years and much has changed while much remains the same.  The allure of the Mothership is still there.  I may not be the least bit impressed with it and the shine has certainly worn off, the promise of a better life has been fulfilling in that the financial benefits are tough to ignore or take for granted.  That's where the allure lies still today.  No, I don't really like sitting in a stupid cubical under fluorescent lighting.  No, I don't like being asked to drink the Koolaid again and again.  Watching a few useless people skate through their jobs and get promoted along the way is difficult to stomach.  The politics are above me in that I'm not good at it.  I find it difficult to act differently than how I feel.  I'm not good at kissing ass either.  And while I have my moments I often lack the professionalism to "get ahead".  I've recently realized that there are those that can effectively channel all their energy and potential into their work at the Motehrship (I'm sure this applies everywhere).  I'm not one of those people.  I'm typically operating at about 60% of my potential.  That's just a guess.  I've often wondered what would happen if I just tried to reach 90% or so but I can't seem to sustain that for more than twenty minutes or so.  Anyway, there is plenty to complain about but there is much to be thankful for and appreciative of as well. 

The money and benefits are very important to me at this point in my life.  My job gives me a lot of flexibility and I feel respected and trusted in my role.  I'm currently managing a very large project and am responsible for a large portion of the corporate e-mail infrastructure, supporting over 100,000 users all over the world and routing over 5 millions e-mail messages a day.  Unlike some of the positions I've had in the past I can clearly see where I'm helping keep the Mothership on course.  There is the corporate ladder that continuously taunts me but for the most part the current rung on which I stand suits me well.  The work can be tedious at times but it changes just enough to keep me interested and I do feel like I have the freedom to customize parts of my job.  So I complain and occasionally entertain taking the escape pod but I do like my job overall. 

What has changed outside of work this past few year?  Obviously a lot has changed and it's all good.  I have a beautiful family and am so lucky to have such a fantastic wife and little boy.  My priorities have changed a great deal since I've been married and had a baby.  In some ways work is more important because I want good things for my family and in more ways it's less important because I'd rather be with my family than at work.  Me and everybody else, right?  What's to come of my journey with the Mothership?  My guess is that another ten years would look pretty similar to the first ten years.  Of course I can always be picked off at the next round of layoffs or the layoff after that or the one after that.  I used to worry so much about that and somehow it's not as important to me as it used to be.  I can get another job.  There are other Motherships and even different ways to go all together.  Time will tell.

Ready Pay

I’ve often thought about ways to make my life better by reducing my encounters with the people that don’t have it together.  Many of the ideas are likely shared among others but most will never come to fruition because society strives for equality and attempts to segregate will be viewed as cruel.  Pitching such ideas would cause many to call you a Nazi or self-centered or at least Republican.  I’m one hundred percent in favor of making things easier for folks with disabilities, the elderly and pregnant women.  The parking placard is a great example.  Whoever came up with that idea should get some greater recognition.  Whoever decided that drug addicts should get the same benefit as those confined to a wheelchair should be slapped.  I’m off topic but here’s where I’m going.  Those of us that have our act together shouldn’t be stuck in line at the market (or bank, or anywhere) behind those that don’t.  First time at a checkout stand?  You’re excused.  Everybody else?  Get your shit together, pay for it and then get the hell out of my way.  Have a problem with the transaction?  Go talk to customer service somewhere else.  Want to debate about a sale item?  Go somewhere else and do it.  My point is, in the grocery example, is that I want to go into a line that ONLY permits purchases.  Let’s call it the “Ready Pay” line.  Anything else goes to the regular line.  You need to dig around in your purse for a pen for five minutes even though you’ve had all that time you were in line to get it ready?  Regular line for you.  Balance you checkbook at the register?    Regular line for you.  Cannot swipe a card and simply enter a pin number?    Regular line for you.  On the phone?    Regular line for you.  Want to double check the receipt while everyone waits for you?    Regular line for you.  Forgot something so you send your spouse to run through the store while everyone waits?    Regular line for you.  Then those of us ready to go can get on with it. 

Of course, there are many holes in this example but we should be able to work something out.  The problem would be that everybody thinks they are ready.  Everybody would go to the Ready Pay line and then fail, not realizing their failure.  So, like you do with children, you clearly post the rules.  You have ten seconds to swipe your card when prompted.  That’s plenty of time.  Fail and you get a warning.  See where I’m going with this?  Fail again and you are banned from the Ready Pay line and you lose your Ready Pay card.  But don’t worry, you can apply for one again in three months and it will only cost you $50.  Think of this concept everywhere!  Opponents or those that don’t like the idea can go in the regular line.  Gas, bank, stores, the possibilities are endless.  A single card could be developed that had a chip to activate or deactivate locations special lines so you wouldn’t need multiple cards.  I can dream.