What a bunch of clowns these guys. At first I just felt sorry for them but now I just can't stand them. It used to just be one group and now there are many. You know what I'm talking about right? You're at the mall minding your own business and there is the dreaded (insert mobile phone company name here) kiosk. "Avoid eye contact", I think to myself and hope that my one year old is thinking the same. But it doesn't matter. One of them calls out with their standard hook line.
"Hey bro, can I talk to you for a minute?"
"What's up man, do you have a second?"
"Hey, are you happy with your phone?"
"What kind of phone do you have?"
"How's it going? Let me talk to you about a deal."
There they are, leaning toward me as I try to walk by without noticing that they are talking to me. He's got a tie on to look professional and since his dumb ass company makes him wear one because salespeople need to wear ties. He's the guy that goofed off in school. He's confident too because mobile phones are so cool and selling them at the mall kiosk is bitchin. He's annoyed when I ignore him or provide my harsh look and unfriendly "no" that my wife teases me about. There are girls that do that job too but they are far less common because they can get better jobs and are probably sick of all those dorks hitting on them between failing to land ridiculous, bullshit contracts with mobile phone companies. As if we need more to dislike about mobile phones.
The mobile phone industry is huge and I can see why. The convenience of a mobile phone is off the chart and the other gadgetry things they do and integrated technology is pretty sexy and hard to resist. I have one and I'm willing to bet you do too. What I do not want at all is some ass-clown trying to pressure sell me a different one while I'm out trying to have my day. Damn the company that started it because the others caught on and now every fifty steps at the mall is another one of these guys desperate to sell to me from their kiosk of broken dreams. Do all malls do this? Partial blame goes to the Galleria I suppose. But they are a brick and mortar to sell stuff after all so I guess it makes sense.
You can visualize the training and recruiting for those jobs. They get pulled in with promise of great wealth through commission. "Make big $$$ having fun" the sign/add/recruiter lies. the hapless victim is attracted to the idea of the quick money, figuring this would be a perfect fit while they develop their plans to start their own business to become independently wealthy and thus stick it to the man. They drive to the old unmarked, leased building in Fair Oaks for their orientation. They see signage and marketing material. There are several "$" symbols displayed. The recruiter is an attractive woman. Midway through the spiel Alec Baldwin shows up and flashes is Rolex and talks about his sports car, belittling the recruits while inspiring them at the same time (Glengarry Glen Ross). They sign their life away and take their stack of papers home. After a few sales classes they are assigned to the kiosk in front of Macy's and specifically instructed to bother me each and every time I go to the mall.
If I were wealthy I'd outbid the phone companies for the floor space, offering a ridiculous amount of money for the area currently supporting the sales kiosks. Once I've evicted all of them I would replace the kiosks with a bench or something. Or I would have my own kiosk with cardboard cutouts of the former employees and place them in silly poses with cartoon balloons to make it look like they would be saying "I'm a dork" or "I suck" or something similar. I'd have a few with empty balloons and supply dry erase pens so that mall goers can write in their own phrases and such. I like it and I'm going to do it. No I'm not.