Annoying Lady

I just sat down to work at the coffee shop, a weekly or sometimes twice weekly routine I enjoy a great deal.  One of my places of choice has a very inconsequential downside that won't keep me away but did in fact prompt this impromptu blog post.  This lady is at the "It's a Grind" coffee house in Rocklin almost every time I'm there.  Many people are annoying so it's impossible to blog about every one of them but this lady has earned her special blog post today. 

Her M.O. is to sit at a table and read the paper until she has an opportunity, any opportunity, to talk to someone in range.  Someone will happen by her table to get somewhere they would like to be (e.g. coffee creamer counter, front door, etc.).  Then she makes an unnecessary comment to draw the person into a conversation they didn't ask for in any way or don't want at all and would never ever want.  Ever. 

Here are today's examples and please keep in mind that I've been here for 15 minutes.  Annoying lady is reading paper.  Innocent bystander that does not know annoying lady attempts to get cream for her coffee and is otherwise sitting on the other side of the room.  She gets her cream and annoying lady pokes her head above paper, "have you been working out?"  The innocent bystander looks puzzled and simply states that she has not been working out.  Annoying lady comments about how she looks like she's losing weight and then proceeds to attempt to draw her into a longer and even lamer conversation.  Innocent bystander looks as though she's wondering why this lady is asker her such a question when she clearly doesn't know her. 

Bystander number two makes a critical mistake and sits at the table that is next to annoying ladies table.  Uh oh!  Innocent bystander number 2 has not made eye contact or even so much has attempted contact with annoying lady.  Annoying lady notices a man that spoke with bystander number two prior to bystander number two taking her seat.  "Is he coming back?"  Annoying lady asks this question as though it's any of her business whatsoever.  Bystander number 2 looks confused by her question and sort of looks a annoying lady.  Annoying lady then continues her web of annoyances.  "Oh, I noticed him leaving, is he coming back?  Is he your son or.....".   Bystander explains that it's her husband and that he will be back later.  Annoying lady continues without any encouragement from anybody else, "You have an accent...ohhhhh....what is it.  Where are you from?"  Innocent bystander let's annoying lady know that she's from the Caribbean.  "Ohhhhh that's it" says annoying lady now engaged in a conversation only she wants to be in.  "Many people tell me I have an accent but I'm from California.  I did live in England for a few years when I was little but that's it.  Blah  blah  blah  blah  blah  blah  blah  blah  blah  blah  blah  blah  blah  blah  blah  blah..."

Next victim is getting cream and has a baby.  Oh, that's an easy way to engage someone so annoying lady is all over it.  "Oh how cute, how old?  I have a niece...blah   blah  blah  blah  blah  blah  blah  blah."  Try to imagine what annoying lady looks like based solely on this blog post.  you nailed it exactly right.  Finally, annoying lady leaves, but she'll be back.  Does annoying lady work?  Actually I heard annoying lady going on and on and on once about her long list of medical issues (all of which are probably bullshit and mental) so she's probably unable to work or something, who knows.

She tried to talk to me twice but I would have none of it.  First attempt was, "Excuse me, do you have the time?"  I answered without looking up from my computer because I knew better.  A sigh prior to answering let her know that she was bothering me.  It worked.  Second attempt, "I wonder why the flags are half massed today.  Do you have any idea?"  "Nope, I don't know".  No eye contact is key.  I want to say, "Shut up and mind your own business.  You talk too much and are annoying.  Get more cats.  Volunteer at an old folks home.  Do something other than bother everybody with your stupid stories and questions that aren't pertinent to you.  You are not interesting and nobody wants to talk to you.  Have you noticed that every single conversation you have is started by you?  It's not my problem that you are lonely.  You probably wouldn't be alone if you weren't so damn annoying." 

Is that mean?  I haven't had coffee yet so I'm probably being a little harsh.

Comments

[Jeff]

You should sit closer to her and when she asks you something say " Lady, your mouthwash ain't makin' it!"

And then laugh like Deniro in Cape Fear!

[Matt]

Spot on brother - I hate those people and one used to live across the street. I'm sure she's on disability due to stress about Bush...ha-ha.

[Annie]

Funny. That reminds me of my Annoying Gym Lady. No matter what - she's the one who comes in after you've been there and proceeds to move the fan that is facing you to face only her. Do I say something? I want to, but it's always just too awkward. Who does that? Annoying Gym Lady.